A Towline for the Trailing Spouse

The term’ trailing spouse’  typically refers to the spouse of an expatriate worker who accompanies their partner to a new country or location due to the partner’s job assignment or career opportunity.

In support of International Women’s Day, I examine the ROI on coaching for the trailing spouse (who is usually a woman).

According to INSEAD, the number two reason expat assignments fail is the lack of support in helping the assignee fit in, whether on a social, professional, or domestic level. About five years ago, I noticed a gap in training. I am often hired to give one-to-one training to managers on assignment in Germany, but there seemed to be no budget or care in providing training or coaching for the trailing spouse. Most, if not all the time, trailing spouses are women. Women who have given up successful careers and halted academic studies to follow their husbands into a new country and a different culture. Trailing spouses and children struggle to adapt to life in a new country, leading to feelings of isolation, homesickness, and dissatisfaction. Moving is one of the top five most stressful things a person can go through. Imagine moving to a new country where you can’t even speak a word of their language, nor are you familiar with the customs and rules of this country; this enormously magnifies the stress.

Family members’ unhappiness can significantly impact the success of the expatriate assignment. Marriages are tested while the family dynamics try to find a secure place. Adjusting to a new culture is extraordinarily challenging when you are used to a lifestyle and everyday occurrences, and then suddenly, it has all disappeared. Tasks that women can do with their eyes closed in their home country are now acts that end in frustration and even tears in the new country. Imagine throwing a woman into the deep end and expecting her to swim with no towline or life jacket.

The burden of childcare and running the household is mostly put on the trailing spouse; however, trying to execute these tasks is very challenging if you cannot communicate or have the knowledge about how things function. As one woman confided in me, “My husband needs all the cultural theory stuff so he can figure out how to work with his German team, but for me, our needs are very different; I need a map directing me how to get by, get things done, thrive not only as a mother or a wife but as a woman in this foreign land.’

 When a manager moves to a new country with a family in tow and a company only provides support to the manager, the company is doing a disservice by not considering the trailing spouse. Women benefit greatly from one-to-one coaching, as it empowers them to navigate their new environment and helps them make sense of the intercultural puzzle. Coaching provides a much-needed tow line.

When the spouse is happy at home, the employee is happy and, in turn, is productive at work; it sounds like a good business strategy, if you ask me.

Post image developed using AI generative image.